Playdates can be like marmite, love them or hate them, everyone has an opinion on them. But up until a week ago, I’d never heard of actually charging for a playdate.
If you haven’t heard this story yet, let me give you some context. Whilst I saw this story on Threads, the original video came from TikTok. In summary, the playdate host ended up charging the guest $15 for expenses including Applesauce $1, trips to the bathroom $3 and couch ‘wear and tear’ at $1.
Now I genuinely don’t know whether the post was pure rage baiting or a genuine post from a mother who is struggling to pay the bills. It’s often hard to tell these days.
The story has resulted in many think piece style articles from journalists with outrageous stories to tell of elaborate playdates including unexpected charges for parties and trashed houses.
So I thought I’d give my two-cents on the issue.
First and foremost, I am 100% against charging for playdates. Playdates are an investment in friendships that far outweigh any outlay of cost.
But like everything else about childhood, things have gotten my complicated and there’s now pressure to make every single playdate a big (read expensive) production.
With three children ranging in age from 6 to 15, it’s fair to say that I’ve had my fair share of playdate hosting duties over the years. Here’s how we do them:
Invites:
With three children, I could end up hosting a playdate every night. To avoid any overwhelm, we aim for 1-2 per child each month. With other expectations like after-school clubs and party invites, I like to get the balance right between my kids social life and my own.
I personally don’t do playdate invites with the expectation that the other parent reciprocates. Since I work from home, it’s much easier for me to invite children over. A lot of parents in my children’s classes either work full-time or have very young babies.
The teen years are different in this respect as they typically tend to arrange things by themselves.
Supervision:
Supervision of playdates really depends on age. With children under 5, I would fully expect the parent to join the playdate - unless we’d known the family for a long time.
From 5 onwards, I’m happy to host playdates without parents being present but I do supervise very carefully. Recently, my 6 year-old son had a playdate with one of his best friends. The boys were beautifully behaved but very energetic - as you’d expect from young children - so I ensured we had plenty of outside time and activities to do.
In comparison, my 8 year-old daughter needs very little supervision with playdates. Her friends will contently make ‘potions’, play schools or create art, with minimal intervention from me.
Whilst my teenage son would not been impressed with the term ‘playdate’, as you’d expect, the teen years tend to need less supervision again. I tend to give my eldest some money to get food or go to the Warhammer shop if he wants, otherwise they just hang out playing games or making models.
I’ll caveat all of this by saying, it depends completely on your child and their friends. Some children need more supervision than others, and that’s okay. We’ve personally never had any issues with trashed rooms, paint smeared walls or broken toys because I wouldn’t ever let things get to that stage!
Activities
I keep things simple. If you’ve been here long enough, you know I love the benefits of child-led, independent play. Playdates are an excellent way of helping children socialise, solve problems and get fully immersed in imaginary play.
Just this weekend, my daughter (8) and her friend played a lovely imaginary game of taking their children to the garden centre and out to lunch. It was honestly the sweetest and they didn’t need any entertainment provisions from me.
With that being said, I like to keep a few simple ideas on hand. These include:
Potion making
Biscuit / cake decoration
Pizza toppings
A simple board game
Making a den (preferably outside!)
Bracelet / necklace making
A simple craft
We operate under a no screens or computer games policy in the early and middle years, mainly because I want my children to socialise with their friends.
Cost
Because we’re doing a huge house and garden renovation at the moment, I can’t afford to make every playdate elaborate. We tend to stick to ‘at home’ playdates and I often use resources that we already have at home.
Personally, I feel like there is a difference between a playdate (typically hosted at home) and a daytrip where an extra outlay of cost is involved.
On occasions where I have invited children to spend the day with us, and go on a daytrip, I expect to pay for that child. The only exception to this would be the parent providing the child with some spending money for the gift shop. I’ve always made this clear before the trip. For example, ‘We’d like to invite Emma on our daytrip to the zoo. I’m happy to pay for travel, the entrance fee and food, but if she’d like to buy anything from the giftshop, could you provide some pocket money?’
With that being said, when my children go out for a playdate with their friends, I offer the host money to cover any costs. Nine times out of ten, they say it isn’t necessary.
If you do need money to cover the costs of a daytrip, make that clear upfront. For example, ‘We’d like to invite James on a daytrip to the zoo but we aren’t able to cover the cost of the ticket and food. If you’d like him to come along with us, please could you provide £x for spending money.’
That way, there are no surprises after the fact!
Food
I keep food simple with typical childhood favourites with a side order of veggies or salad. I always ask the parents in advance if the child has any allergies or dietary requirements.
Children can get nervous when eating at their friend’s house for the first time, so I find it better to stick to the classics. A favourite of ours is pizza, particularly the homemade variety where the children can add the toppings they prefer.
If the playdate is happening straight after school, I make a simple snack first followed by a meal around 5pm.
I think food provision can sometimes depend on the culture too. When we lived in Vienna, some of my eldest son’s Eastern European friends would bring cakes or sweets to share, along with some chocolates for me. This is something I have now in turn adopted, and I tend to send my children to playdates with a treat to share.
Ground Rules
One tricky area of playdates is around behaviour and ground rules. Everyone parents differently which can sometimes be difficult to navigate. I recommend sticking to your family values and house rules to avoid any chaos.
For example, in our house, we don’t allow the children phones and I fully expect the children to play rather than be in front of screens.
Since having our house renovated, we’ve also made it a firm rule not to only have food in the kitchen and dining room.
If you are worried about things getting damaged, remove them from view. I actually lock my bedroom and the office so that the kids don’t have free-run of the entire house.
Playdate Etiquette for the Host:
Set clear expectations on how long you can host for - don’t be shy to say the child needs to be collected by a certain timeframe.
Ask about dietary requirements or food preferences in advance.
Make it clear if you do need payment for any costs upfront so it doesn’t come as a surprise to the guest
Show the children where the bathroom is when they arrive - they can sometimes be too shy to ask!
Be clear on any ground rules when the guest arrives
Playdate Etiquette for the guest:
Arrive to collect your child when you say you will. Message in plenty of time if you are running late!
Be clear about any dietary requirements in plenty of time
Offer to pay if your child is invited on a daytrip
Share your thoughts
As mentioned from the outset, these are my opinions on playdates based on my own experiences over the years. Every family is different and you might have a different approach, let me know your thoughts in the comments!